Love is or it ain't
by HalfBloodHannah
Summary: “I once read that love is or it ain’t; thin love ain’t love at all. Do you love me, really love me?” The Ugly Sister, one shot on SiriusAnna relationship. Sirius' POV.


**This is an one shot of my vision on Sirius' and Anna's relationship, mentioned in my other story, ****The Ugly Sister**** (a James/Lily fic in an alternative universe). If you haven't read that, you probably won't understand much.**

**I wrote this today because the idea just came to my mind. It's on Sirius' POV and is based in a sentence by Toni Morrison. Anyway, hope you like it and review!**

**Hannah**

**Disclaimer:**** J.K. owns Sirius, Lily, James, Peter, Remus, Alice, Patil, Dumbledore, the Order, Hogwarts, Quidditch and everything related to these names I just mentioned.**

**Ps: this is also a kind of commemoration because the fifth movie came out today! I won't be seeing it until probably Saturday, but I'm not complaining!**

**07/12/09 – Read over and corrected.**

XXXXX

"Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all."

I can't recall where I heard that sentence. Probably Anna said it to me. Who else would after all? She was the only one I ever spoke about love with – well, there's Prongs as well, but we all know he would never say that.

We met when she entered the Gryffindor quiddicth team as the new keeper. She was amazing, and if she hadn't made the team, I'd probably call the captain nuts.

Of course I had seen her before, she only being a year younger than me and in the same house and all that. But I never got too close; everyone knew she was betrothed to Shaun Patil, a Ravenclaw guy I was friends with. They were also dating, so she was off limits.

But of course, being in the same team made it impossible not to really notice her. She had gorgeous auburn hair and hazel eyes, and was one of the nicest people I had ever met. She was that type of girl who'd never shut up, always saying silly things that made you laugh or the most deep sentences I've heard in my life. Of course there were times I was pretty much exasperated by that particular trade of hers; but, most of the times, I was amazed.

It started at those late evenings she begged James to stay behind after practice to help her train- as the captain as chaser of the team, that was pretty much his job. And, of course, where Prong was, I was as well.

XXXXX

"_This is the last one, Anna!" James screamed_.

"_C'mon James! I need all the practice I can get!"_

_I laughed in my place, "Kid, you're great!" I said, "Now hurry up, I'm starving!"_

_She smiled, "Alright! But if we lose the cup because of you..." and here she made a not so polite gesture of killing me, making both James and I laugh our heads off. "And don't you ever call me kid again!"_

The time we spent together increased from practise to practise. Sometimes, as James was prefect (don't ask me, no one knows how), he had to go and patrol the halls, so I stayed alone with her. Most of the times we barely practised; we only talked and stared at the sky.

I loved those moments the more.

"_Look at that," she said, pointing to the sky, "It's _Sirius_!"_

_I laughed, "What is it with people and the obvious jokes?"_

_She laughed too, "Your mother is the one to blame," she told me, smirking, "Who the hell names their son Sirius?"_

_The subject of my mother bothered me; she didn't know, but I had run out of home the last summer and was now living with the Potters._

"_What's wrong?" she asked me, clearly sensing the change in the atmosphere._

_I smiled smugly, "I was just wondering how my mother knew I was born to be a star even before I was born," I answered, trying to forget the subject._

_Anna smacked my head as she laughed, "You were born to be a pain in the ass, not a star!"_

_I laughed, "But a terribly handsome pain in the ass!" _

XXXXX

It was stupid to deny for so long that what I felt for her was more than the ordinary lust. I, Sirius Black, the great bachelor of Hogwarts, in _love_. Yeah, that was really likely to happen.

So I entered in denial. A great thing that is, denial. You say to yourself something isn't real and try to believe your words. And then a thing even less likely to happen occurred. And that made me stop believing in denial.

"_Oy, Sirius!"_

_I turned my head to look at the face of the guy I most hated at the moment, Shaun Patil._

_Forcing a smile into my face, I tried to act normal, "Shaun," I said "What do I give the honour?"_

"_Are you hitting on my girlfriend?" he asked me seriously and bluntly, wand at hand faster than I could think._

_I forced a laugh out of my mouth. "What?" I asked, "Anna? Of course not!"_

_He shook his head, "Don't play dumb with me," he said, "You like her, don't you?"_

"_Where did you take that from?"_

"_I'm serious," Shaun said, his want pointed to my throat._

_Okay, I was never one to fear wands. Actually, in any other day, I'd be the one pointing the wand! But I couldn't fight him back; after all, he was right. I was falling for his girlfriend._

"_Yes," I said at last, "I like her," I admitted._

_And then, to my immense surprise, Shaun lowered the wand from my throat and grinned. "Great," he said "Because I think she likes you too." _

XXXXX

And that was how I found out Shaun and Anna's relationship was false.

Shaun told me everything; they had been betrothed when Anna was born and Shaun was almost a year old. The only daughter of the Azevin, an important pureblood family, and the son of the Patil's. Seemingly, the perfect match.

They tried to get out of it, but their parents never bent. So they resigned themselves to their fate. When he was in forth year and she in third, they started dating.

Now, they were more like best friends than dating. They only pretended to date for their parents' sake. And Shaun thought Anna liked me!

I was in heaven, and needless to say, the inevitable ended up happening.

_Once again we had stayed in the pitch until later, me helping her practise as James had to patrol. "You're not focused, Sirius!" she yelled at me._

_I rolled my eyes, "I play beater, not chaser!"_

_She stuck her tongue out at me, "And?" she asked "That doesn't mean you can't play!"_

_I smiled as she spoke, "I'm dead tired Anna," I said "Let's go back now, please?"_

_She shook her head, "Our second match is tomorrow!"_

_I laughed, "Yes, and even James, the _captain_, already went up."_

_I landed on the grass and, after a few seconds, she landed next to me. "If we lose…" she started._

"_It's my fault, I know." I finished and she smiled._

"_I say that a lot," She said "But you're so dumb that I can't help it."_

"_That's just because you love me," I said_

_She laughed, "Oh yeah," she said sarcastically, "Fiona is the one who is madly in love with you, not me."_

"_No," I said, "Fiona is madly obsessed with me."_

"_Go to hell, Black," She said, smiling "I thought you were dead tired."_

_I shrugged, "And I am," I said, "At least for quiddicth." _

_With that, I plopped down on the grass, laying still._

_She laughed, "You've got to be kidding me!" she said "It's out of curfew!"_

"_Yes," I said "But we have a special permission from the captain to be here."_

"_Yeah, playing_ quidditch_," she said, but sat down next to me anyway, "If you get me in trouble Sirius Black, I swear you'll lose your ability to have children!"_

_I smirked, "But I thought you wanted to have kids!" I whined._

_She smacked me, "Who says I want to have your children?"_

_I pulled her to me, making her rest her head on my chest. She made no protests, "Well, if we had kids they'd be much prettier than the ones you're having with Shaun."_

"_Maybe," she said, "My kids with you would probably be dark haired like you and with hazel eyes like mine."_

_I smiled, "If it was a girl, she'd have to let her hair long," I said "And she'd have your nose."_

"_And if it was a boy?" she asked me as she smiled._

"_Probably would be like me: devilishly good looking."_

_She laughed, "Probably."_

_I raised an eyebrow, teasing her. "Did you just say I was handsome?"_

"_Maybe I did," she answered, "The only problem would be that, if the kid was like his father, he'd be incredibly stupid. He'd be tick and had bad grades."_

"_I don't have bad grades!" I protested._

_She laughed, "No, no you don't. But he'd be arrogant."_

_I nodded, "That he would."_

_She shook her head, "I'd like to have a kid with you." she said seriously._

_I smiled, "Me too."_

_She looked up at me and I didn't wait longer to lead in and kiss her. Never in my life had I wanted a girl so badly. _

That's how it started.

For months we dated without anyone knowing. Only Shaun, of course, and Alice, one of her friends. Fiona, her best friend I found out, didn't know. She liked me, according to Anna, and she didn't want to hurt her.

But I didn't give a shit about her. Anna was the only person who filled my thoughts night and day. Especially because the only time I could be with her was at night, after curfew.

We both knew that it wouldn't last long. Someone would find that out and tell her parents one way or another. So, she decided to try to get out of her betrothal again. She was older, and so was Shaun. She was so sure she'd be able to end it.

Every time we met, she always brought that gorgeous smile of hers that enchanted me more than anything else. It wasn't long before the guys noticed something had changed. James, the one who knew me better, was the first.

XXXXX

"_If you don't tell me, I won't let you out," he said seriously. Prongs had taken my wand away and locked our dormitory._

_It was late at night and Anna was probably already waiting for me. I was starting to lose my patience with James and the other two, but they seemed as mad at me as I was at them at the moment._

"_Fuck Prongs, just open the ruddy door!" I said._

"_If you tell me what's wrong with you, maybe I will!"_

_I turned to Remus, "C'mon Moony. You can't possibly agree with what this idiot is doing, right? Locking me in??"_

_Remus looked up from the book he was reading, "No, I don't think it's the best way to act," he said and I heaved a sigh of relief. "But," he continued, "It's the only way which seems to work with you."_

_Fuming, I turned to Peter. "Wormtail? You better open that door!"_

_Peter laughed, "Sorry, Padfoot," he said, smirking, "Lost my wand."_

_I knew he was lying and that was leaving me desperate. I had barely seen her that week, I needed to go. "What do you want to know?"_

"_Something's wrong with you," James said "We know it. You haven't dated a girl in Merlin knows how long!"_

"_What if I don't feel like it, _Potter_?"_

"_Padfoot…" Remus said warningly._

"_Who is she?" James asked at last, "Is it Fiona? The girl is always after you!"_

"_No."_

"_Meagan?"_

"_No."_

"_Mary?"_

"_No."_

"_Joanne?"_

"_No."_

"_Alice??_

"_No!!_

"_Katherine?"_

"_No!"_

"_Hel-"_

"_It's Anna, okay? It's Anna!!_

_They stared at me bemusedly, "Anna from Hufflepuff?" Peter asked slowly, as if afraid of the answer._

_I shook my head, "From Gryffindor."_

_James fell to my bed and I sat next to him, "Anna Azevin?" James asked, "Mrs. Patil?"_

"_Don't call her that!" I roared, "Yes, that Anna."_

"_She's betrothed, Sirius," Remus reasoned, finally leaving his book, "To Shaun."_

_I nodded, "I know," I said, "Guys, she's waiting," I pleaded, "I promise I'll explain later. Please…"_

_James nodded, "Sure," he said, pointing his wand to the door and giving me my own, "Go ahead."_

_I grinned, "Thanks mate." And then I ran out of the door. _

XXXXX

They were actually quite supportive of me when they heard the entire story. Especially James. He had never seen me like that, and he thought it was awesome that he could have every other girl at Hogwarts for himself. And I didn't care. I had her and that was all that mattered.

But of course, all good things come to an end, isn't that right? And in my life, it seemed the good things were very few and ended quickly. She was no different.

I can't say the day we broke up was the worst of my entire life, because it wasn't. I've been through so many things that it's impossible for me to decide on one single day as my worst.

What I do know is that the pain I felt back then was excruciating. What I know, is that what happened broke me in a way I could never even start to explain.

XXXXX

"_Hey gorgeous," I whispered in her ear as we met once again at night._

_She smiled and hugged me, but I knew instinctively something was wrong. She didn't feel the same, her hug was stiff and her smile was forced. Something had happened._

"_Sirius…" she said as she let go of me, "I love you."_

_I was intrigued by the words, but didn't say anything, "I love you too."_

_She smiled again and this time I was sure something was wrong. Tears started to form in her eyes as she spoke._

"_I once read that love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all," She said "Do you love me, really love me?" she asked me._

_I eyed her curiously, "Anna, what's your point?"_

"_Answer me Sirius," she said with a smile, "Do you really love me?"_

"_You know I do," I said "More than I ever thought I could love someone."_

_She nodded, "I spoke to my parents."_

_I smiled "And?" I asked, "What happened?"_

"_I told them…" she started, "I told them I was in love with someone else."_

_I smiled, "Go on," I said_

_She shook her head, "They were furious Sirius. They say I _have_ to love Shaun and that I can't be with you. They won't let me out of the betrothal!"_

_I shook my head, "How come they won't let you out of the betrothal?" I asked, "They have to! What if I talk with them? Maybe then they-"_

"_No, Sirius," she said, cutting me off. "Don't you get it? I'll never get out of this betrothal! Never!"_

_I shook my head in disbelief, "Bullocks. You will!"_

_By now tears were flying freely from her eyes, "I won't say this was a mistake," she started saying, as she took a few steps back from me, "Because it wasn't. But this can't go on."_

_I was ready to panic, "What are you saying?" I asked, "Are you breaking up with me?"_

_She nodded slowly, "I love you, but if we keep seeing each other we will never move on. I have to concentrate on Shaun right now. I'm going to marry him, there's no way back from this."_

"_I just told you I loved you more than anything," I said angrily, "And you're breaking up with me?"_

"_I'm sorry," she said, "And if you really love me you'll understand. Please don't hate me."_

"_How can I understand something like this?"_

_She didn't answer me and I just stared at her as she started to walk back to the Gryffindor common room._

_I should have gone after her, stopped her, made her see that it wouldn't work. But I didn't move a muscle. It seemed as if my whole body had frozen._

_I had just being denied for the first time. And cliché as it was, by the only girl I ever loved._

From that day on, all I really did was try to forget her. And I used every way I could; it was as if I was injected with this drug that would only wear out if I did the most idiotic, meaningless, empty things possible.

But nothing worked.

And then my last year at Hogwarts came.

Lily Evans transferred from Beauxbatons that year and made friends with Anna. She – Lily - was my new toy for a while. I pranked her every time I could, and no one except James' younger sister opposed me.

I didn't really have anything against the girl; I just couldn't stop myself. I was in a daze that seemed to never end.

One day, someone finally stepped in.

XXXXX

"_Sirius, why won't you just leave her for a second?" Alice asked me "She has never done anything to you"_

"_Alice, Alice, Alice…" I said, in my disapproving tone "I'm wounded by your words. I'm just welcoming her to Hogwarts!"_

"_Then you mustn't worry." Anna said suddenly. I was surprised by that. Ever since we had broken up, she had never spoken to me again. Actually, she almost never spoke to anyone again. "We can do that ourselves."_

_In that moment, I felt the need to hurt her. I needed to make her feel what she had made me feel. So I used the best weapon I had._

"_Why future-Mrs.-Patil, I didn't even know you could speak" I said, using especial emphasis in the Mrs. Patil._

_I could perfectly see how she widened her eyes in shock and hurt. Even if I was the only one, I could see perfectly behind her mask. But what I had just said, instead of giving me peace, only made me angry with myself._

"_Well, now you do," she answered me with a sneer "But trust me when I say I'm much better with unspoken spells."_

_I smiled. That was the old Anna I knew. The one who never gave up on any challenge. "Ohh, am I being threatened?" I asked her._

_She never answered me. "I don't think she believes that deserves an answer," Alice told me._

_I grinned at that. I didn't deserve an answer. Maybe that was why she never really answered me when she left me. "She doesn't, does she?" I asked as Anna turned her back on me and continued her way, completely ignoring me._

_In an act of rage, I shot her a spell. The spell wasn't anything bad. I can't even remember what it was actually, but I'd never harm her._

_Luckily, Lily turned back and saw it and, in an act of courage I had never seen before from her, she made a shielding charm and disarmed me. _

XXXXX

Lily probably doesn't know but, in that moment, she gain both mine and Anna's trust.

Next times were hell for me. As Lily and James started getting along really well, we started sitting down with them, so I was continuingly confronted with Anna. She didn't seem to like that as well, and always got up before everyone else to go to class.

From that day on, she barely said anything to me anymore.

Now my last year at Hogwarts is over and I know I'll probably never see her again. I'll enter the real world now, and I'll be all by myself.

James has Lily, they're engaged and I'm couldn't be happier for them. He's entering auror academy as well.

Remus is going to do some work for Dumbledore and the Order, and probably get to see a girl named Elodie, a French friend from Lily. I just hope he won't let the fact that he is a werewolf get in the way this time.

And there's Peter, who is going to work at Gringotts. Even he got himself a girlfriend.

And me… I have no idea. Leaving Hogwarts is like being homeless for me. I grew up there and the only person I truly love is there as well.

Maybe I'll be able to see her when James meets Lily. Maybe Anna will come with her, who knows? Maybe she'll get out of her betrothal and we'll be together.

But, until then, her words will keep echoing in my head. And my love for her will always be here as well, through the times and through whatever happens.

"_I once read that love is or it ain't; thin love ain't love at all. Do you love me, really love me?"_

Yes, Anna. I do.


End file.
